April 22 – Brining

I love pickle juice. Brine. Vinegar. It turns an innocuous little vegetable into a delicious alternative to a plain vegetable. I love cucumbers too, raw and in dishes. I hosted a French chef once who made a hot cucumber dish that was delicious.

I’ve been the cucumber since December 2023, floating around in the brine and getting pickled in the figurative sense. I “helped” my son stay off the streets. Active (enabled) in his addiction, I chose to believe the lies. I wanted to trust him so desperately that I dismissed the evidence. And it has cost me literally most of my worldly treasures. One thing I know is you cannot trust an addict who is active in their addiction; even addicts who are in transition and choosing to live clean still possess habits from their addiction that allows them to justify their actions.

In my case helping him has put me behind the 8 ball on the last strike. I am a responsible person. I have always provided a residence for myself and all that it entails. 3 weeks ago he and his girlfriend were offered an opportunity to move from Iowa to Texas and they did not hesitate to jump on the planes and go. They are broke and homeless, they are also doing much better on the addiction front, facing their cravings and living clean. They have had some support from myself (very limited) and friends. He has had a reality check with the friend who offered to house them, then left them stranded, is mentally unstable in his own addiction and destroyed my sons laptop that was accidentally left behind in his apartment. Hard lessons. Karma even since my old laptop was one of the casualties.

I have been slowly purging the house. There is nothing of value left. It was stolen and sold for drug money, ransacked my private areas including my jewelry box and concert flute that I have treasured in my heart all my life. I have found a few things scattered here and there. The basement is the last place I have to scan. I found the jewelry box. A few pieces that friends had made for me still there with their chains missing, my ring and earrings purchased when I was 19 as a gift of my adulthood are gone. My very gaudy costume rings also gone. The most heartbreaking items are a piece of an Isrealli banner gifted to me by a guest when I first started hosting, my angel pendant gifted me from Antonio when he returned from Iraq and my concert flute gifted me by my father at age 11.

I could be bitter. It is a choice. I could hate him and cut him off completely from my life. that is also a choice. He is my son. I choose boundaries. He will never be welcome in my home again; he isn’t trustworthy. I will go visit him in his home, wherever that is. I may still lose him to addiction. That is beyond my control. The thought is heart wrenching, but today we have salvaged the relationship. I chose to forgive him. God allowed it to happen. It has also led me to release a lot more items that I have been clutching in my life. I have released piles of items to the neighborhood. A small storage unit of items that I chose to take with me for the ride. I’m preparing the house to sell. I don’t see any way to rescue the situation and I don’t want to start from ground zero. Take what I can. Look to the future. Travel. Pursue my purpose. Be a blessing. Write. Talk. Love. That’s what I choose. And I choose my son. I choose a relationship with him over a house and trinkets I’ve accumulated in life.

I choose to seek a small house by water, with a little dock where I can create and write and help people through my writing and experience. I choose to travel and see all the things and meet people where they are and be an encourager. I choose to share my parenting addiction journey with other parents who find themselves in the brine, churning around wonder wth has happened to my precious child whom I adore.

Life is about waiting and about letting go. I choose to life joyful, thankful and brave. I choose love.

No One Is Listening

I am considering visiting a friend and I realized I would go to be a listener.

I write because I can more fully express my thoughts without interruption.

A true friend listens more than they speak. I’m not looking for advice from my friend and I’m not intending to offer any. Only to listen, to share in the weight of life and to lighten my burdens. That’s what friends do.

Balance Vs. Distraction

The act (choice) of stopping what I was doing to write this post is the very definition of distraction. I chose this because if I were to continue in the training I am working on with the idea of “getting to that later”, I know from experience that I won’t.

That said, this morning the distractions were playing me like a pinball game. I was irritated at my son, the wind and life in general. I am at the forefront of a number of major life choices and changes including launching a new career at 59. By launching I mean by learning all I need to know to become the person I am designed to be so I can reach out and respond to you (all the peoples) in becoming the person you were designed to be.

I am effectively coming into my own. I am slaying the distractions that have kept me from my purpose and clinging to the life I am creating. I have sacrificed deeply for a family member and I see him changing and doing his best. I am learning; conscientiously learning how to recognize triggers between us; hold my tongue and speak more constructively to him. I am learning how to identify what I need from him and then learning to ask in a way he comprehends (boundaries). LEARNING. I would love to say we’ve worked through it but the fact is I am simply cutting the cord and accepting the fallout. I will not be continuously distracted from my mission any longer.

I have been an Oola Certified Coach since February 2021. I am now certifying in Oola’s Mind and Body Coaching program. I am growing with the company. My people need me to fill my shoes, to fulfill my purpose and to encourage them as they identify and fulfill their own purposes.

I change lives for a living. I am a holistic coach. As a coach I empower individuals to achieve balance, foster personal growth and pursue their life’s purpose. I am a guide, a mentor and a confidant. I am stepping into my mission, focused and prepared.

Hear Ye , Hear Ye – 1 Minute Prompt

Aisle, Isle and I’ll are three words that sound alike but have very different meanings. U s all three of them in a micropoem meant to be read aloud at an open mike poetry slam.

Page 92-1 minute (46 seconds)

I’ll jump on the chance for a holiday.

From the aisle of the plane

To my isle of my heart

New Year – New Book The 1-Minute Writer by Leigh Medeiros

I was shopping for nail products today and found a book that I am going to use this year for writing prompts on the blog. Last year I was using content suggestions, but this is more intentional. The 1-minute writer provides 1-5-10 and 20 minute writing prompts. I will go out on a limb to make a commitment to do all 4 within the context of the week within a 7-day timeframe.

The book is organized in 3 parts:

Part 1: Observation Prompts (74)

Part 2: Imagination Prompts (74) – I think this will probably be my favorite section.

Part 3: Memory Prompts (72) – this is going to be fun reaching back into my childhood and adventures of my younger days.

This book has 880 individual prompts.

My goal is to follow this plan:

1 Minute Monday

10 Minute Tuesday

5 Minute Wednesday

20 Minute Saturday

Calculated out I could use this book weekly for 4.2 years, but I am confident in my personality that I likely will not. What I will do is set a timer for the task and stop writing when the timer goes off. I don’t know if my OCD will allow this though and in the event that I am “on a roll” during a writing, I will put in a separator and finish my thought below it.

I will choose the topic weekly by random number generator. If I had a 235 sided dice, I would use that.

I have been a writer from the jump and I miss writing multiple times a week. Usually my topics are random based on my daily walk. Let’s see how this goes!