courage to change the person I can, and the wisdom to know that it’s me.”
Setting my inner gypsy free.
05 Apr 2010 Comments Off on
13 Aug 2015 Comments Off on Resilient Faith
2 weeks, many changes
My room mate of 3+ years and friend of the last decade is moving out.
Their is a new tenant on the farm who brings a veritable circus act to the quiet property complete with a stallion. Then she proceeded to leave the property while he was tied in the barn, effectively rendering the barn useless to any other horse people like myself who don’t want to risk any studly issues. We had a polite conversation beginning with please clean up after your horse around the house since my yard is now their paddock and my horses are restricted again to their little 2 acre lot. I noticed her little boy had a chain over his nose while quietly standing tied which led me to inquire “gelding”? She vociferously defended his coolness and manageability as well as justifying her own professional training experience and ability to manage him. Someone who talks over you and goes to that energy level of defense already knows she’s in deep water. No one yelled. I texted the landlord who is in charge of such things. And again later when they left him tied while they all piled in the car and left him there for at least 30 minutes.
Eric should be back to work next week. His leg is still very painful but he’s walking without the crutches.
Lola is a pleasure to have around the house.
Autumn is handing her leadership over to me – yeah!
I woke up this morning around 5:30 freaking out about how I’m going to pay the rent. My paycheck is wrong AGAIN (ongoing theme).
2 Cor 8:13-15
Our desire is not that others might be relieved while ou are hard pressed, but that there might be equality. At present time your plenty will supply what you need. The goal is equality, as it is written: “The one who gathered much did not have too much, and the one who gathered little did not have too little.”
I’ve reread that several times today and yesterday. I will likely be thinking on it for a few days yet. Faith means putting the things that are troubling you back in God’s hands and trusting that it will all be ok.
On Friday I will supervise the euthanization of one of the neighbors horses. She’s a wreck. She’s had him over 20 years and he’s been declining in health the last 2. We took some tail hair from him last night and I’m going to make her a bracelet from it for her.
Last night I got a letter from my Ob-Gyne that reads “The biopsy came back with some “atypical cells”. This means that there is some precancerous change. Since that was only 1 spot that I biopsied I am concerned that there could be an area that may be more than “pre” cancerous. […] The polyp is quite large and I think (there is a possibility of a malignancy).
I went back to work on Aug 3.
I have no energy to continue writing this morning.
Love you all. Count your blessings, I certainly am.
Have a blessed day my friends.
26 Jul 2015 Comments Off on Overwhelmed
This is the first song on my Pandora playlist this morning. By Big Daddy Weave.
I’m feeling the other overwhelmed.
Yesterday was a day.
Eric brought Lola out to visit. I haven’t seen her for 3 weeks since they got their place together and I’ve been missing him a lot.
I was talking to our landlord about buying some hay that had just come in and asked Eric to help for me since I still shouldn’t be lifting much; I havn’t been released yet.
He jumped right in and was up on the hay wagon sorting and throwing down bales to Tim. They were about 1/2 done when Eric’s foot slipped between 2 bales, he lost his balance and fell over with his leg still caught between bales. He jacked his leg out just before falling over the edge of the hay wagon to the ground. He has a very high pain tolerance – and he was in pain. Begging and crying about the pain. We walked him half way to the house then Tim picked him up and carried him the rest of the way in.
He went to a hospital to be treated. They were rude and judgemental, completed x-rays stated he should probably have an MRI and then released him without medication and without a wrap on the knee.
He came back here and by now the knee is swollen and hard. We went to the other hospital around 12:30 who treated him, wrapped the leg, gave him a script and instructions about care and sent us back home.
Prior to him coming out he had moved out of the rooms he had been renting due to the renter hitting Lola and being abusive to his significant other and to Eric.
He has been excelling at his job as a landscaper and was one week short of being offered a permanent position, raise and promotion. Now his knee is jacked up and he may not be able to do that job because he was being a good son and helping me, cheerfully. He said “we move wheelbarrows of rock up and down hills all day, I can’t do that without my knees”.
I say ENOUGH, Lord. He has come full circle and is growing in maturity. He’s walked away from influences that used to rule his life and time. He’s stepping out in faith – we had a long, long talk about spiritual warfare last night.
Father, it’s time to bless this young man with abundance.
He needs a home, with his dog.
He is deserving of being able to meet all of his expenses.
Amazing Grace – this song just came on: Your love never fails, and never gives up and never runs out on me. by Passion
Be well, my friends. I know God’s got this. Waiting on Him is the hardest part of living.
15 Jul 2015 Comments Off on EO and Brain Injury
This one has a personal meaning to me as I recently had 2 strokes and for a long time now have been compassionate to anyone suffering from TBI (Traumatic Brain Injury).
15 Jul 2015 Comments Off on EO and Cancer
I would love to just copy and paste this entire article, but that would violate copyright law. So here is a link instead.
10 Jul 2015 Comments Off on On Hold
I have been logging into my work computer to check emails and make a change to my next paycheck and can’t get in. Yet, tech says everything seems to be working correctly. Hmmm I wasn’t planning on spending my morning with tech support but at least we can tackle this before I’m trying to log on for work again in a couple of weeks.
I checked here to make sure my web access is working and it is. At least I can do something while listening to hold music.
After resetting my password twice and escalating to another support person it was found that my own NEW manager after 2 months of having access to our email system while I was on leave requested that my access be disabled on July 1 following an email sent to him mid June and no communication to me that there were changes. He sent me an email response to my work account though…humans! Think Pooh. If you just requested my access be disabled, how will I see that message?
The kicker though is I sent the message to his attention in the first place – he had not responded to it proactively. I hate training new managers.
Very frustrating and has now created additional logging issues for me when I go back to work. That will probably take 1-2 hours to straighten out before I will be able to be productive. sigh
08 Jul 2015 Comments Off on This is not my home
I’ll preface that with the Christian response “of course, not this is a stop to wait to go home”. I’m not looking to rush going to that home either, though if I am called the only regrets I would have are leaving my son and a few close and many not so close friends. That’s not the topic of this post.
This is not my home. It has become the building where I sleep and keep my stuff. Everything that made it my home has been slowly and methodically stripped away from me, while I’ve been told shut up and stop causing trouble.
The house pets who light up my life are seeking to break into my melancholy. My little orange dog and the little black dog (my cats) are my constant companions, velcrod to my presence day and night. Usually when I wake from a nap on the couch the Siamese has inserted himself in my lap and looks at me with striking blue eyes, purring and nestling in closer.
I was lying in bed this morning and realized I really have no motivation to get up.
That leaves me here in an ever narrowing world. I am scheduled to go back to work August 1 and I have mixed feelings about it. I’ll be glad to start reciving adequate pays again but the 60+ hour weeks are history, I won’t volunteer for more than 50 and that is going to effect my bottom line. I am facing some major decisions. It’s difficult to wait on God’s timing but I was starting to see the signs more than a year ago, but didn’t want to believe it. I have been happy here until the last year. I love the picture window over the pasture, until this conflict the relationship with my room mate was better than I expected.
Several things are certain.
Romans 8:28 28 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.
Either God is working on changing something in me or He is working through me to change others. Often both I think.
Phillipians 4:13 13 I can do all things through Christ[a] who strengthens me.
Mathew 6:33-34 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.
Psalm 46:10 Be Still and know that I am God.
Quotes are from Bible Gateway. I have seen these scriptures come to fruition many times in my life.
I’m having chest discomfort, have had a headache for over 24 hours and want to shout when I see the pony owners parading back and forth with him – intentionally exposing our horses.- he hasn’t even been isolated for 48 hours. He was brought out and paraded around within an hour of arrival. And I’m just supposed to be ok with it. Let’s all get along. It will PROBABLY be fine. My horses are healthy and injury free BECAUSE of our diligence.
On that note my friends I have again seen peace, I want it to stay this time. Today I am going to go out and take down my chimes, finish cutting down the hosta that remain so maybe some will grow again soon and I will fertilize them. I will treat our horses with preventative oils in the hopes that they can stave off any exposure. I will resist the urge to let my horses run while they are down there with the pony – would serve them right to have utter chaos after they were so nasty to me but two wrongs won’t bring peace. It isn’t in my nature to intentionally cause problems for others in spite of how nasty and spiteful and childish they are with me. It never has been and I am thankful for that.
My day is suddenly unfolding. The sun is out. The ponies are healthy and I will see my son today. The people who have caused this recent stress are leaving and I have the place to myself for a while. I need to get dressed and move my horses out to our small pasture, out of nose touch with the pony who is now located in the center of my horses normal enclosure.
I am ok. I am always ok. I am completely bereft and heartbroken, but it will all come around. There are many things to be thankful for in spite of the darkness. I got beautiful new glasses yesterday. I saw my son today. Love you all.
The day got better, I lost and found one bottle of oils that I had dropped in the pasture. Helped treat a horse who was lame and helped the owner by calling the phone 35 times in the tall weeds. Now I have to go in and feel for ticks…
03 Jul 2015 Comments Off on Medical Update 7-2
Yesterday was very frustrating for me. I was ordered to complete a 30 day heart test monitor and that was terminated on June 1, the equipment was returned and I’ve been waiting for the test results.
I have a procedure Monday that requires me to drink 4 Liters of PEG-3350 (colon cleanse). The 2nd listed side effect (contraindication) of this medication is Cardiac Arrhythmia. Most of my medical people have been pointing at Atrial Fibrillation as a reason for the stroke and today is a holiday for most so answers were needed yesterday – Is this safe for me to drink or do I need to reschedule this procedure?
The problem is no one had received the test results and 2 different medical reps assured me that “these things just take a while and they have to read for each day of the test”, this was a direct quote from one of them. It has been a MONTH! Surely a cardiologist doesn’t wait 30 days to do an initial read of a 30 day test?
FRIENDS: YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE WHO IS ACCOUNTABLE FOR YOUR HEALTH. The medical community is two busy (literally) stopping the hemorrhaging in society to follow up with your minor issue. S/He who bleeds buckets gets the attention and once the symptoms have been addressed you are replaced by someone in worse condition. God help us and He has by sending amazing plants to address human suffering. I digress.
First Call: My primary care physicians office. “We haven’t received the tests yet”.
Second Call: Stroke Clinic “We haven’t received the tests yet”
Third Call: “The test was ended on June 1 and the results were sent back on June 2”
To which provider?
“To the ordering physician”, which was the general practitioner at the hospital.
Fourth Call: Ordering physicians office. Tests were read on June 2 and faxed to your primary care physicians office.” Can you give me any idea of the outcome/results? “The monitor was activated on 10 abnormal occassions but none of them correlate to any issues of concern” (later this was described as escalations found in a normal heartbeat). Good news, right? Yippeee.
Fifth Call: Primary Care physician, the cardiac physicians readings were faxed to you on June 2 “Let me call you back:
Sixth Call: Stroke Clinic “the cardiac physicians readings were completed on June 2, Dr. advised in my last appointment that she would follow up with the heart test and contact me with the results (argumentative nurse) “There is nothing in your chart indicating we would follow up”… ongoing theme of the conversation, of which I am proud I expressed myself calmly, listened to her excuses and finally was able to end the call with 2 “I need” statements. Get the test results. Tell me if there is any concern with me consuming this medication. “Let me call you back”
Both offices called back after obtaining a copy of the report. Neither apologized for not following through to request the test results after a certain period of time. However, my primary care physicians nurse did empathize on her 3rd call back about the frustration I was feeling and was able to put a copy of the report in front of my physician and are in agreement that the solution is safe for me to consume.