courage to change the person I can, and the wisdom to know that it’s me.”
Setting my inner gypsy free.
05 Apr 2010 Comments Off on
20 Nov 2015 Leave a comment
There have been a series of thefts in this house beginning over 6 months ago with the disappearance of my Parrelli Liberty CD’s and most recently to include cash in the amount of $30. There are a number of suspects. I hate thievery. Lord, you need to take care of this. Needless to say we’ll be locking doors again then we’ll at least know if it’s internal or somebody coming in when we’re all busy.
I spent a good hour with Pete and Autumn this morning cleaning out their loafing shed, sharing food/treats and being greatful. I over did it yesterday and am paying for it today. My blood sugars have been bouncing around but my blood pressure has been low and steady. It’s cold, going into winter now. I’m always cold lately.
18 Nov 2015 Leave a comment
This was first written August 22. I found some old drafts.
When I adopted Autumn 7 years ago we joked that she should have her own blog. She is amusing, intuitive, creative and I’ve often said if she had thumbs she would take over the world.
Today I embark on this effort. I may include daily thoughts, photos, insight on rescue, silliness and stories of other animals. Today I begin with the poem I wrote for her about a year after her adoption.
Thanks to all you of you who have been touching in periodically. The events with my father are moving a long. Not as fast as I would like and faster than her would like. The yard is almost finished, we’ve removed 20 yards of debris from the yard and will soon be starting on the house. Tuesday when we cleaned out his shed he was actively throwing things in the dumpster and nodding his approval for things we could throw in. He still sees value in inanimate objects but he’s starting to participate and let go of some things.
I’ll find a link to the poem later.
18 Nov 2015 Leave a comment
I would rather be sleeping right now but my brain has decided I should be up. I haven’t written in ages. For a long time there was a lot of unrecognized tension in the house and writing about it publicly was out of the question, I couldn’t express my frustration because I was effectively gagged by my roommate. There are things that should not be discussed, posted or complained about online in Facebook or a blog when you are making every effort to preserve a relationship. I kept to myself, waiting for her to do what, I don’t know. I knew at the time that speaking out would damage the friendship, so I refrained.
What I didn’t know is that her stewing and lack of communication had already destroyed any possibility of reconciliation. In her mind, she’s the victim being pushed into an ever smaller corner of the house and feeling “unwelcome”. When we moved in here, one of the first things she said was “If I stay in my room, don’t take it personally I just like my privacy”. So I didn’t. I went about my business allowing her sulking and ever increasing resentment to boil. Maybe it was just time for that relationship to be complete. I certainly added my share of conflict to the issues and I’m not saying this is one sided or laying all blame on her. I am saying that when our Saturday coffee mornings ended about a year or so ago, the communication did too. There is of course, much more to the story. I don’t believe I could have done anything more to rescue the situation except totally cut ties with my son and that was out of the question. This is my only child. It is what it is.
Speaking of my son. The relationship is recovering from the damage those demands cost. I did for a while cut him out and told him he could not come here to see me. He lived homeless in Iowa last winter in the car, while I had a home. I had to make a choice between my place to live and my closest family member. I am still resentful about being expected to refuse my heart. Instead of coming alongside him, offering him counseling and loving discipline, he was cruelly treated at every turn. I have two words for that and neither are appropriate in this context. When one of her family members looked like he would need a place to stay, I offered her my second room. When mine was in desperate need he was made to feel like a pariah. People are fascinating. There are times when they get so focused on how they have been done wrong that no other perspective exists. Clearly I’m still very hurt and angry, so I will change the topic.
Recently we had 4 “free” horses come to the farm. It was supposed to be 2 mares and 2 yearling stallions. I have been rabid about stallions from the day the landlord bought the place because I don’t want my mare bred. I am very passionate about not breeding of any type of animal because of overpopulation and the burden on rescue organizations. The people who bring stallions, keep stallions and raise stallions come in acting like I don’t have any right to be concerned. Pshawing my stress and assuring me that there is no risk, everything will be fine. That’s where my head usually explodes. If you are choosing to keep a stallion (or an aggressive animal for that matter) you have accepted the responsibility to keep that animal from interfering with other people and from harming other animals. I was not in the barn when they came in but what arrived were 2 pregnant mares and 2 very mature stallions, fully aware of their abilities, leadership and social structure. One was extremely attached to one of the mares, the other is being treated from standing in manure up to his belly and his genitals are swollen and infected. I won’t come within 20 feet of either of them. To the new owners credit they had arranged for the studs to be gelded within a few days of their arrival. These studs were 15-18 years old, gelding would prevent them from breeding again but it would not make them safe to handle. It takes 3 to 6 months for the testosterone to work its way out of the body but more concerning is that these animals have learned behaviors that they may not want to change regardless. It may make them quieter eventually but while that happens they have to be treated like studs.
Sunday evening there were many people and horses milling around the barn after a lovely trail ride when the stallion was brought over from the other barn and put in a stall across the arena from His mare. He was agitated to say the lease but contained. The arena was starting to thin out, horses getting put away etc. This stud started chest butting the door then reared up, put his front feet on the top of the door and in magnificent Rocky fashion busted that son of a gun right open BAM! He promptly scattered the humans at the East end of the barn, slammed through the large metal sliding doors to the outside 30 acre pasture (I thought, oh crap they will never catch him out there) nearly running over two of the teenage girls who were releasing their horses, swung around and back in the arena he came. Spotting His mare he rushed to her. In the excitement I grabbed one of the tied horses to secure her in a stall so he wouldn’t hurt her and couldn’t get the door open before he flew back in but we were able to get out through the main gate. The person leading the mare took them both into the stall where they had been for 24 hours and were able to “secure” them. This, my friends is why I am rabid about studs here. He had broken 3 stall doors within that 24 hour period. There are too many kids, gentle horses and other people on the property to risk any of them getting hurt by one of these massive dudes. The argument is “they have papers!”. Yes, they are very well bred Quarter Horses – and they have been allowed to go to seed for the last estimated 7 years, effectively becoming wild horses. I don’t care what your papers say, this is a dangerous animal who needs to be handled appropriately.
Prior to that our resident, for real, cowboy had been brushing this same stud when the horse began showing his irritation. Said Cowboy thumped him with the brush to which the stud responded by thumping the cowboy back on the shoulder, leaving a hickey looking bite mark on his neck. My thoughts since their arrival were “this is not going to go well”.
The new owners had been considering their decisions most of the day. A difficult choice for certain. The escape secured it. Someone came last night and picked him up, supposedly a stallion broker. He is probably in Texas right now. They were able to load him without much pomp and circumstance thankfully. The person who picked him up is said to have been a very petite young female. What if he hadn’t “come along quietly” to get in the trailer. I was in the house at the time. I was working, but I would have been had I not been working. I didn’t want to witness what it was going to take to force that animal into a trailer and separate him from his mare. The farm is so lucky no one was hurt. Who knows where he will end up. He will likely be bred or turned out with mares because of his pedigree. Possibly he will become a bronc, although I think he may even be too dangerous for that. I hope he is managed by someone knowledgeable. I hope he is not hurt or doesn’t hurt anyone else.
It’s been good to write again. Be well my friends.
All my love.
13 Aug 2015 Comments Off on Resilient Faith
2 weeks, many changes
My room mate of 3+ years and friend of the last decade is moving out.
Their is a new tenant on the farm who brings a veritable circus act to the quiet property complete with a stallion. Then she proceeded to leave the property while he was tied in the barn, effectively rendering the barn useless to any other horse people like myself who don’t want to risk any studly issues. We had a polite conversation beginning with please clean up after your horse around the house since my yard is now their paddock and my horses are restricted again to their little 2 acre lot. I noticed her little boy had a chain over his nose while quietly standing tied which led me to inquire “gelding”? She vociferously defended his coolness and manageability as well as justifying her own professional training experience and ability to manage him. Someone who talks over you and goes to that energy level of defense already knows she’s in deep water. No one yelled. I texted the landlord who is in charge of such things. And again later when they left him tied while they all piled in the car and left him there for at least 30 minutes.
Eric should be back to work next week. His leg is still very painful but he’s walking without the crutches.
Lola is a pleasure to have around the house.
Autumn is handing her leadership over to me – yeah!
I woke up this morning around 5:30 freaking out about how I’m going to pay the rent. My paycheck is wrong AGAIN (ongoing theme).
2 Cor 8:13-15
Our desire is not that others might be relieved while ou are hard pressed, but that there might be equality. At present time your plenty will supply what you need. The goal is equality, as it is written: “The one who gathered much did not have too much, and the one who gathered little did not have too little.”
I’ve reread that several times today and yesterday. I will likely be thinking on it for a few days yet. Faith means putting the things that are troubling you back in God’s hands and trusting that it will all be ok.
On Friday I will supervise the euthanization of one of the neighbors horses. She’s a wreck. She’s had him over 20 years and he’s been declining in health the last 2. We took some tail hair from him last night and I’m going to make her a bracelet from it for her.
Last night I got a letter from my Ob-Gyne that reads “The biopsy came back with some “atypical cells”. This means that there is some precancerous change. Since that was only 1 spot that I biopsied I am concerned that there could be an area that may be more than “pre” cancerous. […] The polyp is quite large and I think (there is a possibility of a malignancy).
I went back to work on Aug 3.
I have no energy to continue writing this morning.
Love you all. Count your blessings, I certainly am.
Have a blessed day my friends.
26 Jul 2015 Comments Off on Overwhelmed
This is the first song on my Pandora playlist this morning. By Big Daddy Weave.
I’m feeling the other overwhelmed.
Yesterday was a day.
Eric brought Lola out to visit. I haven’t seen her for 3 weeks since they got their place together and I’ve been missing him a lot.
I was talking to our landlord about buying some hay that had just come in and asked Eric to help for me since I still shouldn’t be lifting much; I havn’t been released yet.
He jumped right in and was up on the hay wagon sorting and throwing down bales to Tim. They were about 1/2 done when Eric’s foot slipped between 2 bales, he lost his balance and fell over with his leg still caught between bales. He jacked his leg out just before falling over the edge of the hay wagon to the ground. He has a very high pain tolerance – and he was in pain. Begging and crying about the pain. We walked him half way to the house then Tim picked him up and carried him the rest of the way in.
He went to a hospital to be treated. They were rude and judgemental, completed x-rays stated he should probably have an MRI and then released him without medication and without a wrap on the knee.
He came back here and by now the knee is swollen and hard. We went to the other hospital around 12:30 who treated him, wrapped the leg, gave him a script and instructions about care and sent us back home.
Prior to him coming out he had moved out of the rooms he had been renting due to the renter hitting Lola and being abusive to his significant other and to Eric.
He has been excelling at his job as a landscaper and was one week short of being offered a permanent position, raise and promotion. Now his knee is jacked up and he may not be able to do that job because he was being a good son and helping me, cheerfully. He said “we move wheelbarrows of rock up and down hills all day, I can’t do that without my knees”.
I say ENOUGH, Lord. He has come full circle and is growing in maturity. He’s walked away from influences that used to rule his life and time. He’s stepping out in faith – we had a long, long talk about spiritual warfare last night.
Father, it’s time to bless this young man with abundance.
He needs a home, with his dog.
He is deserving of being able to meet all of his expenses.
Amazing Grace – this song just came on: Your love never fails, and never gives up and never runs out on me. by Passion
Be well, my friends. I know God’s got this. Waiting on Him is the hardest part of living.
15 Jul 2015 Comments Off on EO and Brain Injury
This one has a personal meaning to me as I recently had 2 strokes and for a long time now have been compassionate to anyone suffering from TBI (Traumatic Brain Injury).