courage to change the person I can, and the wisdom to know that it’s me.”
Setting my inner gypsy free.
05 Apr 2010 Comments Off on
06 Feb 2016 Leave a comment
I love lazy Saturday mornings. I haven’t had enough of them in the last several months so today I made it a point of having nothing scheduled until 1:00 pm. I woke up being grateful which is an excellent way to start any day. I am thankful for my landlords despite our recent rocky opposition. I am grateful for my son. For the furry creatures that call this home. For this loving, wild, sweet Pit Bull who crawls under the covers 8 times a night only to crawl through and out the bottom because she’s too hot. Clearly God thought I needed a dog in my life and here she is. I woke up thankful for my job and for the feeling of peace having reached a recent conclusion in spite of throwing all that I possess at maintaining my status quo-i.e. avoiding change. I am grateful and looking forward to the changes that are coming in the next 6 weeks.
I have been listening to Season 1 of Worst Cooks in America and alas, this morning was the final show of the season. I looked for Season 2 and it’s not available via on demand view by Netflix, so I spent 1/2 an hour or so cruising around looking for my next series. I have always admired the TED talks and listened to a few of them here and there, so when I came across this group fo 20+ minute segments I started at 1 (of course, age has brought order) and that was a nice talk regarding teaching our children about food and obesity around the world. Let’s do that!
The next talk though spoke to my heart. Dan Barber: How I Fell In Love With A Fish. I would encourage you to view it if you have a few minutes because it summarizes all that we struggle with. There are two questions in the talk worth in-depth discussion and evaluation.
This reinforces my recent exploration into creating a hydroponic garden to feed myself and family. Ironically, my biggest fear is abundance – I hate to waste food. It occurred to me this morning that I can always donate the surplus to any number of homeless shelters, my church or a plethora of people I know. Problem solved!
Yesterday I witnessed a lesson that sometimes you have to feel heartbreak and let go of something you love to make room for God to bless you with something better. Something bigger than your wildest dreams. Something he’s had in mind for you all the time. There were tears and anger (how could I be so stupid?) and crushed spirits, then a glimmer of hope, an astonishment as blessings unfolded and finally euphoria that when you try you might just get more than what you need; you may be blessed with a tool to confirm that your on the right path. I would tell you more, but it’s not my story to tell. This was my story to witness, and to learn from and to share both the heartache and the joy.
There is a story about a little girl who loved a toy pearl necklace. She wore it every day and slept with it and never let it go. One night her daddy said “honey, give me the necklace” and she couldn’t. Her daddy hugged her and told her he loved her and tucked her in and kissed her good night. Every night for a long time her daddy said “honey, give me the necklace” and every night she clutched it tight and wouldn’t give it. And he loved her and tucked her in and kissed her goodnight. One night she said “Daddy, if you want the necklace you can have it” and she took it off and put it in his hand. He hugged her and told her he loved her and kissed her goodnight. Then he took a box out of his shirt, opened it and gave her a real pearl necklace and tucked her in.
Daddy, if you really want what I have you can have it. I trust you. I love you. I am thankful. I am blessed.
…and I may have to read The Art of Stillness
02 Feb 2016 Leave a comment
I live, strive to live by being nice to people most of the time. I believe that you reap what you sew. I am by any count kind, forgiving, loving and helpful. I wonder now in the middle of this conflict am I sewing or reaping? The following is one of my favorite stories about my mother.
Mom working in the ER in Ottumwa General Hospital back around 1976-1978 time frame. She worked 2nd shift if I remember correctly. One evening a man and his girlfriend were brought in after a horrendous motorcycle crash. He was teaching her how to ride his Harley and she collided with a cement telephone pole. In the hours that followed as the staff worked to save his life the waiting room filled to capacity with their friends and relatives.
The hospital staff is reported to have avoided the waiting area and blown off inquiries to the prognosis, except mom who got them coffee, brought them updates and did what my mother did best calmed the beast and comforted the sick.
After many hours, the man died of the injuries. His damages were too extensive to save his life. His name from my mother’s telling was Dudley and he was the leader of the area Hell’s Angels biker group. She was invited to the private funeral and told “if you ever need ANYTHING, we’re there for you.”
I’ve known many bikers. I’ve known many people from all walks of life and I’ve done my best to see through the exterior to the heart of the human. I want to see you where you are and where you’ve been. I want to walk next to you, supportive in this journey. I want to live and let live. And I want to be respected in my own path and beliefs.
Bikers in general don’t scare me. I’ve seen too much kindness, love and frivolity in the biker community to feel fear. The people who I fear are those who have a blackened heart. Those who Satan has solidly sunk his claws into and dances around like a puppet. Like a man who has entered the circle of my world, wreaking havoc on my home and threatening my family; the horses, my son, myself and the few things I own. People who find it desirable to break other people because they cannot find peace for their own crimes, their own decisions. These are the people who are frightening to me. The rabid dogs of society, unpredictable, violent and beyond my help.
Yet, I am not scared. The worst scenario is my horses could be stolen and sold to slaughter, my possessions could be stolen and sold for drugs, my son could be harmed and I could be harmed or killed. I have faced this before maybe 1/2 a dozen times. It is beyond my control. There are times like this when I wonder did the promise given my mother pass onto me? If I asked would someone honor that? I find that I am incapable of causing another human being intentional harm. The threat is real. I am powerful under God’s protection. Everything is happening perfectly. It is well with my soul.
Lord, move. Or Move Me.
In Jesus name I pray, help me to learn what I need to learn and move these individuals to a peaceful heart. Despite the intent held against me, I wish them no harm. It’s been overdue, to be honest. Life has been challenging lately, but good. I woke up this morning. My son is home and clean. Lola and Booda and Juice lay watching when I woke up. It truly is well with my soul.
I am no sap. Tomorrow (later today) I will be taking action to protect myself and those I love. Wheels are in motion and now we wait. God Bless, everyone.
18 Jan 2016 Leave a comment
It’s a season of de0cluttering again. What I have left is the lower level of the house where I have about 30-40 boxes of treasures that need to be gone through (again) since I haven’t used or loved most of the stuff remaining. Today I spent a couple of hours cleaning off a long – soon to be gardeners table that has a fair amount of upstairs treasures piled on it. Most of that has been reduced to Give Away, Put Away, Throw Away containers, with a box of recycling, fresh trash can lined and ready, a box of burn materials, a box for Goodwill and 2 large trash bags sitting at the door.
Three of the boxes that I took down earlier this fall contained my grandmother’s silver and china. My grandfather asked her on their 25th Anniversary what she wanted. It is reported that she said “Leo, I want a nice set of china.” Being a loving and dutiful husband they got some catalogues and she spent a good amount of time choosing a pattern. Several weeks later a large box arrived and grandma unpacked them and washed them admiring how pretty they were and bubbling like a new bride. Grandpa was delighted to see his bride enjoying their gift. As she was putting them away he noticed she was stacking them in a high cupboard for safe keeping and he said to her in the tone I still hear from my delightful grandfather when he was unhappy “God dammit Gladys! I didn’t buy that for you to put up in a cupboard and never use. You put those dishes where you can reach them and we’re going to use them.” My grandfather was a spirited little Englishman and when you heard that tone you simply did as you were told.
Grandma passed in 1986, shortly after I graduated from High School. Grandpa passed many years later and my mother inherited the china, which had been stored again in a closet until I received them when my mother passed in 2006. They have again been packed away – mostly because it’s not the pattern I would have chosen and I don’t have the heart to try to sell them. I brought them upstairs today, washed them and made a cupboard where they live now. The original set was a full setting for 8 including a meat platter, 2 serving bowls and a gravy boat. I broke the meat platter several years ago. Several of the plates have small chips in the sides and a couple have a crack running through them. Most of the pieces have 7 remaining of the original 8.
Those that are missing served the purpose they were designed for. Those that remain will do the same, some will break. They are a reminder to me now to fulfill my purpose. Use me for what I have been tempered for. That china is tougher than it looks. I am too.
I did find a manufacturer that produced this pattern and I think I will begin a new Christmas tradition this year and buy a replacement for the meat platter that broke serving turkey one Thanksgiving a few years ago. I look at these every day and remind myself how well I was loved by both of my grandparents and that every day is a day to celebrate living.
God Bless everyone.
All My Love.
17 Jan 2016 Leave a comment
This is what I know today.
It is -9 F
It is 5:05 pm on Saturday and still light out, we’ve finally turned the winter corner.
I’m about to go downstairs and “work” because I am setting up a hydroponic indoor garden in a 1/4 of the basement area.
Pete is out in the big pasture.
Autumn would like to know why he got to go out and she didn’t.
There remain 62 days until spring.
Anthony. You are on my mind and in my prayers.
05 Dec 2015 Comments Off on Completely Crazy
I am heart broken but it is well with my soul. The prior owner reneged on our agreement and sold Champ (aka Koda) out from under me to someone from Illinois last night for more money. Sometimes God’s answer is No. That leaves me to focus on the two wonderful horses I already own saving me much heartache and money rehabbing him. I did manage a few photos Saturday morning before all of this unfolded. I hope he has an amazing owner who will provide for all of his needs for the rest of his life. It wasn’t time for me.
I’m up early. I always do that when I have something on my mind that’s gnawing at me. Money, yes. Faith, yes. Taking a giant leap off of a moving vehicle and crashing to the ground? Sure, why not. Life is about those crazy chances you take that change the course of your life.
I have had a deep passion for old horses for a very long time. One of my dreams is to have a retirement home for spent horses. Those beauties who served people; gave their lives to families and who at an age where they can no longer race with the big dogs but aren’t’ without value, are disposed of, usually in the only way our society has available right now; the sale barn.
Enter “Koda”. a 22 year old, former show horse. His current name doesn’t suit him and I haven’t been able to find out his previous name. Arabian-something, maybe Tennessee Walker. His pasterns are very low, almost walking on his heels and he has an odd gate. He used to show with 9 and 11 year old little girls but I don’t know what sport. His last owner had him with 2 other horses turned out in a pasture for the last 8 years with little interaction i.e. neglected. They were provided food and water but little else. He’s in bad shape. Body score around 4, ribby, hips are protruding. He needs worming, teeth floating, vaccines. He’s dehydrated and pre-Cushing’s according to the vet. We suspect his coat is developing oddly due to the malnutrition, we’ll see. In other words $$$$$$ The current owner had the vet out yesterday for an evaluation, the prior owner gave them to her when she threatened to turn him in. His ground manners need polishing, he’s a little high strung with the Arab in him, always on the look out and carries his head high, which is why she’s decided to take him to sale on Monday if I don’t take him. She is asking him to turn left, turn right, move forward, back up, piaf and side pass all at the same time – and he’s doing it! That makes for a rough ride for both of them! He’s incredibly responsive to a very soft touch. Since, he bounces his head when she rides, she’s using tie downs on him, he hates it… If he was in good health, I wonder if this would fix itself as he’s probably sore without much muscle on his skeleton and she’s a pretty big person. She jumped on him bareback with a nylon halter within an hour of his arrival and he took it in stride. He just lost the matriarch of the herd who went to sale when they were picked up due to her own poor health and he’s now separated from the only other companion he’s known for a decade; there have been too many changes in 3 weeks. He hasn’t had time to settle in.
He has bright eyes, he is very aware of his surroundings, he wants to be a band leader. He is also extremely smart. Extremely smart. I think he will give Autumn a run for her money. He is very well trained and easily follows someone who knows how to lead. I ran him through the Parelli games in about 30 minutes yesterday and he looked at me like what else you got? He is very inquisitive and logical (for a horse). He follows on a loose line, picks up his feet, you can touch him anywhere ears, mouth, tail, sheath. He turns out with no drama-waiting until I stepped back to move off. If he was in good health I think we could have a blast together. He caught on right away to treats and mugged me twice, we talked about that and he responded by becoming much gentler about asking.
I looked at him and prayed. Is this the beginning of my dream? Welcome to Camp Wandu, a retirement home for horses. A place where old horses come to live out their lives, regain their health and be horses until that time when they either expire among the herd members or are walked to the Rainbow Bridge by a caregiver? Good ole boys who I could take visitors out on for occasional trail rides and teach them about the plight of horses, safety of working with and around them and most about the privilege of being around these amazing creatures whose goal in life is to “get along” with their herd.
It’s absolutely crazy to take him on right now financially. God will provide; He always has.
Welcome to the family Duke. I’m looking forward to sharing the years you have remaining with you.
20 Nov 2015 Comments Off on Series of Thefts
There have been a series of thefts in this house beginning over 6 months ago with the disappearance of my Parrelli Liberty CD’s and most recently to include cash in the amount of $30. There are a number of suspects. I hate thievery. Lord, you need to take care of this. Needless to say we’ll be locking doors again then we’ll at least know if it’s internal or somebody coming in when we’re all busy.
I spent a good hour with Pete and Autumn this morning cleaning out their loafing shed, sharing food/treats and being greatful. I over did it yesterday and am paying for it today. My blood sugars have been bouncing around but my blood pressure has been low and steady. It’s cold, going into winter now. I’m always cold lately.
18 Nov 2015 Comments Off on Autumn’s Apples
This was first written August 22. I found some old drafts.
When I adopted Autumn 7 years ago we joked that she should have her own blog. She is amusing, intuitive, creative and I’ve often said if she had thumbs she would take over the world.
Today I embark on this effort. I may include daily thoughts, photos, insight on rescue, silliness and stories of other animals. Today I begin with the poem I wrote for her about a year after her adoption.
Thanks to all you of you who have been touching in periodically. The events with my father are moving a long. Not as fast as I would like and faster than her would like. The yard is almost finished, we’ve removed 20 yards of debris from the yard and will soon be starting on the house. Tuesday when we cleaned out his shed he was actively throwing things in the dumpster and nodding his approval for things we could throw in. He still sees value in inanimate objects but he’s starting to participate and let go of some things.
I’ll find a link to the poem later.