6-19-14

You are My Beloved Child. I chose you before the foundation of the world, to walk with Me along paths designed uniquely for you.

That was yesterday’s message.

I slept well last night, though this morning I discovered that Wiley had moved his pillow over the register and was blocking all of the cool air. Terd. He needs a dog bed, for here and for when he goes home. I’ll get him one this weekend. He’s doing well, bringing me a ball in the mornings and asking to play. He is trying to “hunt” the ball outside when it gets lost in the weeds but hasn’t associated the hand direction signs I’m giving him to find the object. I love watching a working dog work and the moment when they grasp a concept is pure happiness. He’s laying behind me – and brought a ball. LOL

That is not what’s on my mind this morning. As we progress I know what I want for my father but the question is, what does he want for himself? Is he capable of living in a tidy “home” or will he always be prone to bringing in a hoard to stay in his comfort zone? He hasn’t conquered it yet despite facing a hoard cleaup on the 3rd property (2 which were stripped by the city for non-compliance), 3 ex-wives – each now deceased, 3 children who he barely knows (think of the movie Avatar “I see you”), numerous close and extended family members who have reached out to him, numerous dogs and multiple city officials who finally came in and said “you have to or we are going to take everything”. He allowed this in his life.

He allowed every event in his life that has made him angry, caused him grief or loss, he allowed this to happen by being in denial about his anger, denying how bad the problem is, denying how his actions and choices effected the people around him-his family. How disassociated do you have to be for that to not motivate you to hire people and allow them to clean, to find it in your soul to let go of trinkets of little value, trash, recycling, papers, books, rocks and rocks and rocks?

I am getting to know my father better through his hoard too. With each of the items removed I’m glimpsing moments of discovery when he found them brought them home, I explore his feelings in curiosity and question his motivation in that moment. Yet, that does not help me to learn about the old man he is today. I talked to him yesterday after speaking to the nurse. He gave me an update on his medications and it sounds like he’s feeling better. I cannot trust him, I don’t know if I ever will. He violated my trust at a critical level at a time when I was already insecure and it took me until I was in my 40’s to overcome that violation. I am grown now and understand the world better, as well as the people in it. I am very compassionate of animals and of people. I strive to see all sides of an issue and to understand how someone reaches the attitudes they have attained. Sometimes it’s a burden. It’s easy to judge and convict. It’s harder to understand and forgive.

Wiley is finally quieted down for a minute. He was wining and bringing his ball. I need to go out and reward him for his patience, then I am going, turn on some praise music, get dressed and tackle the closet.

Today’s message Wait patiently with Me while I bless you.

Micah 7:7    

I am the Alpha and the Omega,” says the Lord God, “who is, and who was, and who is to come, the Almighty.” — Revelations 1:8

Numb 6:24-26

 

Have a blessed day everyone.

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