6-16-14

Busy week ahead. After today I should be able to retire my father’s affairs at least for a few days and focus on my own.

Today’s message: What I require of you is to act justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with Me – wherever I lead.

Wherever I lead. That’s a large order.

On Thursday he voluntarily went to the hospital and spent the following 2 nights in ICU. The ER nurse made the comment to me that “He’s very angry about the past so we’re having him speak with a psychiatrist”. He was moved yesterday to 3rd floor where he has a watcher. I wasn’t sure what that meant as they were having a nice conversation and no one told me I had to leave. There is a white board in the room and he didn’t have any emergency contacts listed on it, so I offered to put my number and Linda’s up there. He let me know his progress, that they changed his medication, identified the depression and lifted his right leg and flashed me when he sat up (he doesn’t do anything accidentally). I did not react. He was very interested in talking about what was going on at the house and we settled a few things. He gave me permission to finish the back yard, move his boat and motor home into outdoor storage and I gave him a progress update on the front yard. He seemed resigned to the cleanup and the cost.

I told him about finding the petrified wood piece, plants, starts – he was very animated and enthusiastic. I asked if he had finished the magazines I took him and brought another. We had the first actual conversation that I’ve been able to have with him since I was 6 years old.

This afternoon I am meeting others at the property and plan to finish the front porch. My handi-guy has agreed to help with the 2 heavy things, move and put up the shelter and I really want to clean off the back porch (super gross) and secure the doors. Next weekend we will do the back yard. At that point I may be finished there for a while.

The nurse came in to take his vitals and she asked if he currently wanted to hurt himself. During her exam something triggered him to dredge up the past and trying to lighten the turn of thoughts, I said “maybe we shouldn’t discuss that right now, she’s taking your blood pressure”, there was no turning him and this time he started firing at my grandparents and their debt. I got up, took his hand and kissed his forehead. “I clearly remind you of these horrible stories, so I’m going to go.” He said to me “but I’m not talking about your mother.” And I replied “No, but I loved grandma like a mother” and my grandfather was more of a father to me than he ever was or will probably be if he isn’t capable of finding forgiveness and living his remaining time in peace.

I let the staff know that his home is not safe to return to (yet) and I came home. As far as I can tell there is no working toilet and I was not able to locate a working faucet. 2 years ago there was a concern about the wiring.

Wherever I lead. I believe I am acting in Jack’s best interest. I hope one day he will be able to see that too. Hoarding is a brutal response to conflict and very difficult to overcome. I hope he is able to and I am hopeful he may return home one day. For now I pray that God keep him in His Loving arms, save him from himself and to keep all of us safe from him.  He is capable of violent acts and based on the reaction from the rest of the family who has tried repeatedly to help him; I am the last person who is willing to face the dragon.

I’ll make arrangements for Riley (his dog) this morning and he’ll come home with me for a trial – Jack wasn’t sure how he would react to cats, so I will pick up a muzzle for the house until I’m confident with him and if it’s oil and water I will contact Weimeraner rescue to see if we can place him in a foster home until Jack is well and comes home.

Today, my plan is to work 2 hours in my office and 2 hours in the basement. Have lunch and maybe spend a couple more hours in the office. I would also like to unload this closet so I can use it as space. Roomie said she is thinking of switching her rooms so her bedroom in close to the kitchen (noise for when I work here?). I think if we make the closet serviceable that should be enough buffer to keep the noise down for her to sleep since she’ll being going to bed while I am still working and on the phone. I could switch my rooms….but there is no hanging place for cloths in this room ( guess I could make some). We’ll have to talk more.

When she woke up this morning my mare met her at the porch – she had escaped last night.

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