From a prior page […] but “How much joy are you willing to experience?”
October 1, 2009 early am
I am aware of the morning. The tango with my bedsheet now. I am lying on my left side. I feel the drape of the soft cotton covering me over my ankle, hip and waist. Tucked under my arm. The steady sound of a car passing my cocoon. The earth quietly coaxing the sun to rise – it’s early yet.
Alone in my bed, I reach for the presence of a lover – far away. I am warm and content wrapped in the last rays of sleep. For a long time I lay quietly aware of my body. I feel the pulse beating – embrace the knowledge of life. I imagine his presence watching me sleep, a slow touch on my thigh, up my waist and over my back to my shoulder. A delicate kiss on my neck. I am a bed hog – splayed over the entire surface. I haven’t shared this chamber space for many years. It’s mine. I am complete in self here. I have learned acceptance and self love. I have embraced tears and gathered courage. Overcome agony and negotiated desire as you sooth a toddler intent on their way.
I consider him again – desire and my absent lover. One day they will meet again. I am wiser and confident, older and youthful.
My toes curl with the possibilities. I flex the muscles of my left leg slowly wakening with the new day. I feel the touch of a sheet at every intersection. Pleased in the feeling it evokes. The traffic is becoming more frequent – the light outside the window now darker – just before dawn.
Stretching the full length of my body I roll to my back, my left hand tracing the soft skin of my hip and abdomen. My breasts obeying gravity but erect at the slightest reminder of touch. I run my fingernails along the same track to ignite the nerve endings – pistons firing as I touch myself.
Quiet. Peace reigns, I prepare for the day. I reach for the presence of a love so close and yet not. I toss aside the sheet greeting the day in all my glory. No longer young and certainly not old. I love the age I am, I have earned the knowledge of life and my body. I fully embrace both anticipating with delicate eagerness the blessing of this day. A moment to embrace all that I am and all I am yet to be. Rejoice – for this is the day the lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it.
I rise complete, fulfilled and joyful in simply being me.
Gypsy In The Castle 