Good moorning. 0614

Why am I up? Damages. What damages? We got our bonuses last payday and I did not sit down right away and spend it on paper intentionally before waltzing around town and using my debit card to spend my bonus. That’s not to say that I was an irresponsible spendthrift with the finances, I did stick mostly to the list of what needed to be paid in this order.

The Rent $1200

$ on my outstanding vet bill $200

Eric’s boat tickets to Catalina Island $150

Cat to Vet $140, turns out she has allergies to an ingredient in their food ie must change cat food brands and type

Not on the budget:

Cat food-Blue Buffalo Chicken and Rice and since they have shredded theirs a new scratch post $80

Groceries $60 + $80

Haircut, conditioning treatment and a new bottle of conditioner $60

Hair products $50

Shelves in the kitchen $50 due to cleaning out the pantry and finding food I forgot I had shoved in the back and wanting to be able to get to it better and get the spices and oils off of the counter.

New storage containers for same and 2 bottles of wine $30

It’s all the “not in the budget” stuff that has me up. I did not spend it intentionally. I did not put any in my emergency fund. I have not gotten the oil changed in the car yet. I did not take out the cash and spend it instead of having a whooped party with the debit card.

The other thing that woke me up is the movie Flight with Denzel Washington that I watched last night just before bed and before an hour of PBS. Exceptional performance by all and a moral dilemma about personal accountability and one mans choice to stop lying. “Do not tell me how to lie about my alcohol use, I’ve been doing that for xx years”. What is harder to live with? Living a lie or living with the consequences of the truth? In the movie his character states that despite the outcome he has never felt more free. That is the truth. The truth will set you free. The movie also focused on God’s will and called into question religious belief and religious attitudes. It was well done. Why did that wake me up this morning or rather why did that prevent me from diving deeply into sleep for the long term? I don’t know.

Roomie is up; I just heard one of the mares greeting her. I think I might stay up and go to my office and survey the damages. I have grown during this experience, I did consciously stop spending by keeping in mind what had yet to be paid I just don’t know if I stopped soon enough or if it’s going to be a tight 2 weeks until next payday. Damn.

“I must do better. I will do better.” (Hancock)

Have a blessed day. Happy Easter and all my love.


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