courage to change the person I can, and the wisdom to know that it’s me.”
Setting my inner gypsy free.
05 Apr 2010 Comments Off
21 Sep 2014 Leave a comment
One the twenty fourth day of the first month, as I was standing on the bank of the great river, The Tigris,
5 I looked up and there before me was a man dressed in linen, with a belt of find gold from Uphaz around the waist
6 His body was like Topaz, his face like lightning, his eyes like flaming torches, his arms and legs like the gleam of burnished bronz and his voice like the sound of a multitude
7 I, Daniel, was the only one who saw the vision; those who were with me, did not see it, but such terror overwhelmed them that they fled and hid themselves
8 So I was left, alone*, gazing at this vision deathly pale and I was helpless
9 Then I heard him speaking and I listened to him, I fell into a deep sleep, my face to the ground.
10 A hand touched me and set me trenbling on my hands and knees
11 He said, “Daniel, you are highly esteemed, consider carefully the words I am about to speak to you, and stand up, for I have now been sent to you.”
*I was left, alone
I have felt that many times in my life. Absolute aloneness, absence of human contact, friends and family fleeing, unable to respond.
Many people believe in angels and many less believe in God. How difficult would it be to believe in angels when one “stood before you and spoke”. Wouldn’t be hard at all, except many people would think they had imagined it, fewer would believe the messenger and fewer still would have the insane need to share it with anyone. In our culture this would be viewed as out there, in your imagination or worse. That’s how Satan works, instilling just enough doubt to keep people guessing and not believing.
I’m leading the study The Invisible War, by Chip Ingram. Becoming the leader of this study has been a journey of it’s own. I’ve listened to all of the videos, read the accompanying book and to go deeper into understanding I have been writing each referenced verse into a journal I found at Read Books just a few weeks before the study. I had some books to sell ($3 worth) and the journal was out of place but exactly where I was browsing ($3.00). I bought it for the cover – it was pretty and chastised myself as to why I needed “another” journal, then bought it anyway. The cover is a scripture reference: Above all else guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life. –Proverbs 4:23 NIV which coincides with the study we were starting at church. Coincidence? Depends on your beliefs or lack of belief.
Having lived under the protection of God during many years of grief, I don’t need an angel to stand before me to believe.
Have a blessed day everyone.
Follow up: I have my car back, thanks to my mechanic and a gentle nudge by one of my friends. Feeling blessed today and yes, I am going to worship. I woke up at 5am worshiping and praying until around 6:30. God is good. All My Love
14 Sep 2014 Leave a comment
I chose to leave my car with the mechanic this weekend so I didn’t do any additional damage by driving it and that has left me grounded at home again instead of going to church. I really wanted to go to service today so instead I was channel surfing and happened upon a Joel Ostein sermon that is on. This is the sermon I needed today.
In spite of what it looks like, what your mind is telling you or the circumstances – All is Well. Nothing can separate you from the love of God.
If you have to have everything go your way in order to be happy, you are setting yourself up for disappointment.
The enemy doesn’t determine my destiny, God determines my destiny. If it goes well – All is Well. If it doesn’t go well – All is Well.
When peace like a river, Attendeth my way.
It is well, it is well with my soul.
By faith, all is well.
God has not brought you this far to leave you.
All things work together for the good of those who love Him. There may be weeds in your wheat field ad those are not for you to worry about.
God wouldn’t have given you the dream if He didn’t have a way to make it come to pass.
10 Sep 2014 Leave a comment
I pray for you every day. There is still a gaping hole in my heart where your friendship was. If you ever decide to walk back into my life, know that the door is open. This time I am clear on the relationship. You are a treasured friend and I miss talking to you. How are your kids? Did you marry that cutie you were seeing? What went down in Afghanistan (not the details of course, but are you still there)? How’s your dog?
The letters we shared empowered me to start blogging and to write. I have not found another outlet to keep writing as I did when you were my target audience, I have tried many ways. When I think of you I picture the character played by John Travolta in From Paris With Love – Bad Ass! Kicking ass and taking no names. You are an amazing man, my hero.
If you are home, I hope life has settled down (a little) for you and you’ve made a smooth transition to ordinary citizen though the description of ordinary will never stick to you. Once a soldier…se la vie, time for me to get to work this morning.
All My Love
31 Aug 2014 Leave a comment
Since the last time I wrote? The highlights.
Almost finished Jack’s yard and shed. He called tonight and has been vomiting blood again (every 3 months) and is refusing treatment, I expect to see him in the hospital later this week. He wants his independence and is so deep in denial about the alcoholism that he’s convinced himself that water is what’s making him sick.
Had a pretty severe case of poison ivy on my face and arms, that’s cleared up mostly. I’ve been having severe heart burn off and on, a little concerned about that, usually on the heals of drinking milk so this week I am going to cut that from my diet and see if there is a difference. I love milk and hope I haven’t developed an intolerance for it.
Last weekend felled, cut and burned 5 Elm trees and tore out a fence. This weekend spent time teaching roomies grandson how to run a chain saw and we cut up another brush pile on the property, most of it anyway.
I learned how to run a bobcat, something I’ve always wanted to know how to do. I’m not very good with it yet, but I can at least scoop things up in the bucket and move them around.
My car is making me nervous – the change oil light is on, the check engine light flashes constantly and it’s still overheating. The last time I took it to my mechanic I ended up picking it up early so he hadn’t checked the fan out, now he’s not responding…
Work is going well, I’m loving being at home.
That’s the Reader’s Digest version of my last month. I tried going to bed since I was falling asleep on the couch and when I laid down I was wide awake again. Damn. Eric is doing well.
14 Jul 2014 Comments Off
Been a quiet 2 weeks. I returned Wiley to his owner and have been focused on my own circus for the last few weeks. He called Friday and asked for my help, he has a hearing tomorrow. I have to call him back and set up a time to help with the yard. I gave him my word.
Meanwhile, having a great time with the Peonies knitting group and by extension the Prairie Yarn Over group and picked up 4 charity projects yesterday – because 18+ wasn’t enough? of my own to keep going. But they are fairly simply quick projects. One is a minion hat – which I am really excited to start but have to be disciplined on first. I finished my first stained glass Beta tank this week and my little buddy is at home in it now. I’ll do a few things different with the next projects but am pretty excited about it now.
It’s hard to get a good photo – my flash keeps lighting up the inside when I want the sunshine through the stained glass to be the primary light source. Here it is.
I’m having a hard time refraining from taking a nap in the afternoons now that I have a split shift. I’m loving the daytime sunshine and being outside though.
25 Jun 2014 Comments Off
This is the day the Lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it.
There are many things to be happy and thankful about today.
Yesterday Jack left the hospital. On the way home he asked to stop at his house “for a couple of things”. He refused to come out and go to the care center as agreed. In that one act he has proven he is not trustworthy. As we move forward he will have to show by his actions that he can be trusted. The house and all the stuff he worships are his monkeys, not mine. Since he feels he’s healthy enough to make decisions than I don’t need to be involved, at least for a while. He has not reached out to me to discuss anything, although I have his keys and some of his things. The nursing home is still willing to take him so we shall see what today brings. We are trying diligently to not have him committed, though at this point he is squarely on that track. Once we pull the trigger all of his freedoms will be removed. The city is finished dickin around with him – he may very well lose everything AGAIN. As long as he was cooperative, they were willing to work with me to get the hoard under control and I was hoping we could make a home for him to return to. He must control everything and is the ultimate manipulator. I say. Brava, dick head.
For today, I shall manage my own monkeys and wait quietly on the Lord to advise me of next steps.
Have a Blessed day everyone.
22 Jun 2014 Comments Off
Thank Me for the very things that are troubling you.
Last night I had made plans to go to one of the Freedom Festival events with a friend. At 2:30 she called to le t me know she didn’t want to go because it wasn’t the right kind of festival and she was out with another friend for lunch, then they were going to see a movie “did I want to join them?” Their movie pick was not one I was interested in and emotionally, it was more than I could manage – I really wanted to spend time with her, I needed time with a friend. She’s done this before with this particular friend I declined. Went to Wal-Mart for a vacuum came back home without one, watched Harry Potter movies and had a couple of beverages.
After their movie she called back to see if I wanted to join them for dinner – my choice. That was really big of you to offer but clearly you don’t get it. This is the 2nd friend in several months that I’ve become estranged from, I hate this part of the cycle when friendships end. I enjoy the next phase where new friendships are formed but I really just wanted some time with someone who knows me and I can be myself with. This one may have run it’s course. We’ve known each other for a decade and her life is changing dramatically in a good way and I am excited for her. New boyfriend (fiancé soon), thinking about moving and creating a life together, new job, new attitude. She justified her choice by saying she’s just “spontaneous”, not like me who plans things – ironic since I am very much a free spirit and we’ve had that talk on numerous occasions how she can “only plan one activity per day and then the schedule is full”. I do make time in my schedule when I’ve agreed to spend time with someone – I show up. That’s a matter of respect to the person your meeting and to your relationship.
Anyway, I’m going to early service in 45 minutes. I need to stop at the hospital but I don’t really want to. I still have to get my FMLA form completed for my employer. As much as I would like to wash my hands of this situation it’s not over yet. I am waiting on God’s nudging for the next step. I need to be around people who care about me today.
Have a Blessed one.