courage to change the person I can, and the wisdom to know that it’s me.”
Setting my inner gypsy free.
05 Apr 2010 Comments Off
14 Jul 2014 Comments Off
Been a quiet 2 weeks. I returned Wiley to his owner and have been focused on my own circus for the last few weeks. He called Friday and asked for my help, he has a hearing tomorrow. I have to call him back and set up a time to help with the yard. I gave him my word.
Meanwhile, having a great time with the Peonies knitting group and by extension the Prairie Yarn Over group and picked up 4 charity projects yesterday – because 18+ wasn’t enough? of my own to keep going. But they are fairly simply quick projects. One is a minion hat – which I am really excited to start but have to be disciplined on first. I finished my first stained glass Beta tank this week and my little buddy is at home in it now. I’ll do a few things different with the next projects but am pretty excited about it now.
It’s hard to get a good photo – my flash keeps lighting up the inside when I want the sunshine through the stained glass to be the primary light source. Here it is.
I’m having a hard time refraining from taking a nap in the afternoons now that I have a split shift. I’m loving the daytime sunshine and being outside though.
25 Jun 2014 Comments Off
This is the day the Lord has made. Let us rejoice and be glad in it.
There are many things to be happy and thankful about today.
Yesterday Jack left the hospital. On the way home he asked to stop at his house “for a couple of things”. He refused to come out and go to the care center as agreed. In that one act he has proven he is not trustworthy. As we move forward he will have to show by his actions that he can be trusted. The house and all the stuff he worships are his monkeys, not mine. Since he feels he’s healthy enough to make decisions than I don’t need to be involved, at least for a while. He has not reached out to me to discuss anything, although I have his keys and some of his things. The nursing home is still willing to take him so we shall see what today brings. We are trying diligently to not have him committed, though at this point he is squarely on that track. Once we pull the trigger all of his freedoms will be removed. The city is finished dickin around with him – he may very well lose everything AGAIN. As long as he was cooperative, they were willing to work with me to get the hoard under control and I was hoping we could make a home for him to return to. He must control everything and is the ultimate manipulator. I say. Brava, dick head.
For today, I shall manage my own monkeys and wait quietly on the Lord to advise me of next steps.
Have a Blessed day everyone.
22 Jun 2014 Comments Off
Thank Me for the very things that are troubling you.
Last night I had made plans to go to one of the Freedom Festival events with a friend. At 2:30 she called to le t me know she didn’t want to go because it wasn’t the right kind of festival and she was out with another friend for lunch, then they were going to see a movie “did I want to join them?” Their movie pick was not one I was interested in and emotionally, it was more than I could manage – I really wanted to spend time with her, I needed time with a friend. She’s done this before with this particular friend I declined. Went to Wal-Mart for a vacuum came back home without one, watched Harry Potter movies and had a couple of beverages.
After their movie she called back to see if I wanted to join them for dinner – my choice. That was really big of you to offer but clearly you don’t get it. This is the 2nd friend in several months that I’ve become estranged from, I hate this part of the cycle when friendships end. I enjoy the next phase where new friendships are formed but I really just wanted some time with someone who knows me and I can be myself with. This one may have run it’s course. We’ve known each other for a decade and her life is changing dramatically in a good way and I am excited for her. New boyfriend (fiancé soon), thinking about moving and creating a life together, new job, new attitude. She justified her choice by saying she’s just “spontaneous”, not like me who plans things – ironic since I am very much a free spirit and we’ve had that talk on numerous occasions how she can “only plan one activity per day and then the schedule is full”. I do make time in my schedule when I’ve agreed to spend time with someone – I show up. That’s a matter of respect to the person your meeting and to your relationship.
Anyway, I’m going to early service in 45 minutes. I need to stop at the hospital but I don’t really want to. I still have to get my FMLA form completed for my employer. As much as I would like to wash my hands of this situation it’s not over yet. I am waiting on God’s nudging for the next step. I need to be around people who care about me today.
Have a Blessed one.
20 Jun 2014 Comments Off
Today’s message: I rejoice each time you discover my presence. You will seek me and find Me, when you seek Me above all else.
Meeting with staff today to discuss next steps. I took the week off to take care of my own business and all I’ve been focusing on is his business – I’m frustrated, disappointed in my lack of discipline and still have everything that I meant to get done this week left to do.
I have to stop at work at get another copy of the FMLA application since we can’t find the one I left at the hospital.
This is a cute picture of my guest hound. Too much going on today. Not my circus, not my monkeys.
He’s discovered tennis balls and will bring them back for about 20 minutes before getting bored or wore out. He is also gaining confidence in his “yard” and was following his nose this morning. I’m happy that he chose to keep one eye on me too and came back when he saw me walking the other way. He doesn’t have a recall yet, so it’s a little disconcerting when he gets out too far. He stays a respectful distance away from the horses – not afraid but cautious. That in itself will keep everyone safe.
19 Jun 2014 Comments Off
You are My Beloved Child. I chose you before the foundation of the world, to walk with Me along paths designed uniquely for you.
That was yesterday’s message.
I slept well last night, though this morning I discovered that Wiley had moved his pillow over the register and was blocking all of the cool air. Terd. He needs a dog bed, for here and for when he goes home. I’ll get him one this weekend. He’s doing well, bringing me a ball in the mornings and asking to play. He is trying to “hunt” the ball outside when it gets lost in the weeds but hasn’t associated the hand direction signs I’m giving him to find the object. I love watching a working dog work and the moment when they grasp a concept is pure happiness. He’s laying behind me – and brought a ball. LOL
That is not what’s on my mind this morning. As we progress I know what I want for my father but the question is, what does he want for himself? Is he capable of living in a tidy “home” or will he always be prone to bringing in a hoard to stay in his comfort zone? He hasn’t conquered it yet despite facing a hoard cleaup on the 3rd property (2 which were stripped by the city for non-compliance), 3 ex-wives – each now deceased, 3 children who he barely knows (think of the movie Avatar “I see you”), numerous close and extended family members who have reached out to him, numerous dogs and multiple city officials who finally came in and said “you have to or we are going to take everything”. He allowed this in his life.
He allowed every event in his life that has made him angry, caused him grief or loss, he allowed this to happen by being in denial about his anger, denying how bad the problem is, denying how his actions and choices effected the people around him-his family. How disassociated do you have to be for that to not motivate you to hire people and allow them to clean, to find it in your soul to let go of trinkets of little value, trash, recycling, papers, books, rocks and rocks and rocks?
I am getting to know my father better through his hoard too. With each of the items removed I’m glimpsing moments of discovery when he found them brought them home, I explore his feelings in curiosity and question his motivation in that moment. Yet, that does not help me to learn about the old man he is today. I talked to him yesterday after speaking to the nurse. He gave me an update on his medications and it sounds like he’s feeling better. I cannot trust him, I don’t know if I ever will. He violated my trust at a critical level at a time when I was already insecure and it took me until I was in my 40’s to overcome that violation. I am grown now and understand the world better, as well as the people in it. I am very compassionate of animals and of people. I strive to see all sides of an issue and to understand how someone reaches the attitudes they have attained. Sometimes it’s a burden. It’s easy to judge and convict. It’s harder to understand and forgive.
Wiley is finally quieted down for a minute. He was wining and bringing his ball. I need to go out and reward him for his patience, then I am going, turn on some praise music, get dressed and tackle the closet.
Today’s message Wait patiently with Me while I bless you.
“I am the Alpha and the Omega,” says the Lord God, “who is, and who was, and who is to come, the Almighty.” — Revelations 1:8
Have a blessed day everyone.
18 Jun 2014 Comments Off
Funny. This morning when we came in from our walk most of the cats met us at the door. It was a feline smorgasbord for this canine. He walked past one. Bounced at another. Pursued a third into the living room talking at it. Then turned around, came back to me wagging his tail. I think he understands, but I wouldn’t leave him alone with them yet. Even when he eats he hasn’t looked cross eyed at any of them looking into his bowl or walking past him. I feed him, then call the cats for their breakfast.
He has really awful gas from some turkey I gave him yesterday. I ate some too but it seems to be having worse effects on him. No more for him today! It will have to go in the trash.
I accomplished very little yesterday, so I bid you adeiau in order to get a couple of things off my list before leaving for knitting for a couple of hours. My phone lost power last night so I didn’t get up until 9. rats.
18 Jun 2014 Comments Off
Just a quick note. It feels like I’ve posted more about the dog than the man. True. Only because details about the man would be inappropriate to post publicly, at least for now they are.
Keep private things private.
The dog on the other hand has only the interest of food and comfort in mind as he adjusts to this alternate reality. I hope one day the two will be able to be together in their home again. My goal is to assure they both have a safe and healthy home to return to.
Wiley clearly misses him. At the vet he saw an old man sitting on the bench, whined and tried to get to him. Broke my heart. We are proceeding with what’s best for everyone involved to the best of our knowledge and ability.